During my Prana Flow teacher training master class today it came up to let go of Pride.
Interesting as I never thought of myself as prideful. I will examine that much further in a moment.
It is amazing that when we get quiet and look deep inside, this is finally when things come up.
I stand here and create this blog amongst the everyday chaos of my family life. I’m writing about how I find peace and wisdom through my practice of yoga as my children fight and yell at eachother about who gets to lick the spoon, before we even get out the ingredients! I stop writing to let me 13 year old know that it’s unacceptable to rip his sisters art off her door because she angers him.
Now to balance my family time with my time I spent away during my teacher training weekend I am going to make peanut butter cookies, vegan style (except for organic eggs, from the cookbook I’ve had for months)
with my daughter. And must we really have every screen on in the house? Playstation 3 on the big screen, Cowboys football on in my bedroom, the computer on You Tube… Oh yeah, I’m guilty too, blogging on my iPhone. Wow, the contrast of daily life.
And so we resume. So the pride thing. It’s kinda bothering me. I wonder what ‘it means’. Anything? Just a fleeting thought while in moving meditation?
I wonder if I am raising my kids right or spending enough time with my husband within this totally unstructured life we call home. Then I look on our bedroom door and see this note from my 8 year old, “NAMASTE Cowboys” filled with colorful peace signs.
And my hubby’s Facebook post after he subbed for me yesterday,
“Richard Ware Jr.’s status:
Today I think I experienced the satisfaction and benefits of teaching Yoga….Thanks to all my Super Yogi Instructors for all you have shared with me!…..Namaste!!!!”
This makes me happy.
Yet I wonder, what deep inside me still needs wringing out? During my practice we went through deep Chandrasana lunar flow getting way into the hips, hamstrings and gluteal muscles. I felt a great release and was able to go deeper into Hanumanasana (splits) to prep for the peak pose, foot behind the head. It became fluid and graceful. I was totally in the flow and my hips were able to go where they have not since before my mother died; I had this thought in my practice. Wha? I have still been holding my mom’s injury and surgery …still? It’s been 3 1/2 years!
I have been in freakin pidgeon pose and king pidgeon pose many times and thought all that was gone! Done, moving forward, right? “NO”‘, a voice shouted as I moved into foot behind the head on the right…
“what the hell are you doing in this pose? My hip twinges. I breathed and tried not to listen. Just then a friend came to me with a beautiful hands on assist. She whispered in my ear, “Lisa, you are there, but you are so tense. Just loosen your shoulders,” and she touched my shoulders and I could breathe again. She said, “Yessss.”
That’s exactly what I love about this yoga. Perhaps pride, today, as I fully now realize, meant to simply BE, without expectations. Me? Really? Yes, I will practice what I teach. Today. Tomorrow. Live and love without pride. Live and love fully, out loud, raw and uncensored. Some may not appreciate that quality in me but if I live any other way I will not be authentic.
You can do anything, anything you can dream. You can achieve anything you focus on and place your intention on.
Yes. Yes. Yessss.
